theunseelie: default me (Default)
August 18
VNV Nation..

Nov 5th

theunseelie: default me (Default)
skinny and VERY hungry.
I assume dummy got trapped inside some one else's garage or something.
lost june 20-home june 25

He spent 2 days either in my lap or eating.

Today is 6 july. BTW.

i have not written here much at all.

Nor have i written any of my own fiction, ... which isn't awesome. Me Writing is usually "happy" me.  I like telling stories.

i want to write up something long, about all that is/was happening.

so much, running as fast as I Can and staying in place.

Interesting! mental health foo; (I have recently begun to nail down the damage done to me by Fenwick. lots. is the short answer. dammit.) 

Emma, is having a bumpy age 16-17 (b-day in August) 
Crysse is stressed out from work/travel. way more travel than you would believe.
New Car! the 2017 dealer Demo model BMW with all the most expensive options - for demo purposes.. the 2018 came in. So the impossibly expensive car, with 6k miles on it needs to go ASAP.
 She is friends with a sales droid, and got it at Friend and Family price and interest 1% for the first 5 years. :-D
But it's for me to drive her to and from the air port. She may be behind the stearing wheel 2 days a month.

the house is still in need of a roof and windows and bathrooms. but X cant happen until Y, which cant until..... Who isn't around because...

We , i believe are getting a roof in August. I of course was told we were getting windows on Jun 20, so - I am out of the loop.

theunseelie: hockey mask (humongous speaks)
i should know better by now.


AND my kitty Viper, the 11-lbs black one has gone walk about.

He's gone walk about before. it's been since monday, I am stressed.
theunseelie: default me (Default)

i have a bad headache
had a bad headache

dreamed of having a head ache as i slept
woke - headache, slightly fogged/stupid

check Reddit, see that China is pissed at Trump for Climate Change thingy.
Am confused, because why would China give a shit.
I mean; trump is just a rich - real - estate investor, and a blow hard and an asshole.
who cares what he says.
oh. wait. he's president. i forgot.
i can't tell you how... how that ... realization struck me.
theunseelie: default me (Default)
Alt Shift X, has an excellent analysis of "Game of Bones*"


"One of the prostitutes that Podrick so impressed in season one has a Blue Rose tattoo! She MUST BE LEANNA STARK in Disguise! How Will Jon Snow react to find out his mother is alive and feleatiating Poderick Paine?"

[*yes, it's porn, the vid is semi SFW - and hilarious in it's dead serious analysis]

"In Episode 3 of Game of Bones, Jon Snow encounters a White Walker (a nude white body painted woman, with a white wig) who holds a white dildo...
Now in book 5 of Game of Thrones, When Jon lets the wildlings in through the wall, one of them has an ivory carved dildo.... So ...."


May. 19th, 2017 08:59 pm
theunseelie: default me (Default)
the good
1) Connor seems to have fucked off.
2) Emma seems to have pulled a 180, and is pumping out homework/old documents and school work with alacrity
3) I got a new computer! ok, it's new to me, a Dell laptop, that has the guts to run Fallout: New Vegas; which is all I Care about.
4) I have fallout new vegas installed, and I have 51 mods installed and balanced (LOOT - is a software that suggests load order and shows errors and the like; so I have the game the way i want it
5) It seems crysse's work place has gotten the idea, her boss has yelled enough, finally. See, a "normal CRA" monitors 14 sites at max. 12 normally.
She has 18. So one and a half times a normal work load, Don't forget "monitoring a site" means "flying to and spending 2 work days there, at a time" so that means...
Sunday night fly to Dallas, Tuesday night fly to Houston, Thursday night fly home, And then spend friday-> sunday writing reports on what she did/saw, and sending emails telling which sites she will be visiting next week, and doing laundry and reloading her suitcase. ...

Her boss took 2 sites away and got her some assistance, IE: people who are going to visit sites with her, and help her write reports.
so she is only out of town =2= days a week instead of 4!

6) So my stress level has decreased AND I can game. I HAVE STRESS RELIEF! weeee!

I am still being Emma's Homework Proctor for 2-3 hours a night 5-6 nights a week. So that's.... "fun".


May. 11th, 2017 01:16 pm
theunseelie: brain leaking out (brain leaking out)
LOTS going on. None of it "good". ok, Except the fact that I seem to be single handedly
1) keeping Emma from flunking 3 classes
2) keeping Crysse from killing anyone
3) Keeping steve from killing him self, Emma, Crysse,
4) Keeping Connor, Emma's 18 yr old Ex-BF from killing himself or Emma*

*no hyperbole, he has threatened suicide several times, Emma's therapist is afraid he is going to go =seriously= go Kill emma then himself.

It also seems that He may not choose to post nude photos of a 15 year old emma on his instagram. Which is good. Because the FBI would have to have a serious talk with him.

Connor has messed up Emma so bad she is flunking 3 classes; which set off steve, who set of Crysse!

See! Simple.

I really don't know how much longer I can regrow my daily amount of spoons.

I'd ask for help; bu tI don't know what COULD help.
Connor is going to Florida, at least for the summer at the end of school.
Emma seems to be making up her missed homework, even though she seems to still have a small problem with not lying to everyone about almost everything.
Steve has contacted Dana Iscoff, the "Special Master" appointed by the court, from the divorce, 13 years ago. whom has a 1 star rating on YELP and whom both Steve and Crysse agreed 5 years ago was a terrible person.
Da Fuck?
Because Emma is lying so much to steve, and he fears that Crysse is taking Emma's side. And feels he has no one on his side.
Mostly because he has not friends, because he is actually a horrible person.
And is not coping with the fact that his daughter is no longer 100% obedient when he yells. This may be because she is 16, maybe.
Maybe she just realized steve is an alcoholic rage-aholic narcissistic dick.
So at least Fenwick taught Emma how to recognize an Alcoholic and Narcissism ,So that's a plus.

Me? How am I Doing? I don't have the spoons left over to self analyze, if I did, I might be 1 spoon short of what I need to keep everyone else from going to jail or the morgue.
Like, really actually suicide, or homicide. - no hyperbole.

So that's nice. What's Trump up to?
theunseelie: default me (Default)
testing 1 - 2- 3


Nov. 7th, 2014 09:12 pm
theunseelie: (beat face)
all of the stuff from the old house is out of the old house.
my car and Fen's car and Crysse's car - all still have STUFF in them.

in answer to a friends 2 questions:

Did you all survive? No bodies you need to help hide?‏

no, we did not all survive.
thankfully, I am one of the people you know who knows how and where to dispose of bodies all by themselves.
so you are not a material witness, nor an accomplice after the good for you.

Ia Ia! Cthulhu Pfatagn!

there is no safe path from any door to any other part of the house without having to step over things.

no room has a clear bed in it.

the garage is literately full as high as we can stack, from wall to wall to the door.

the back yard has a narrow path. and then plants. 76+ ceramic planters. in an 11x11 space. they are stacked on one another. there is a wire shelving unit, 4 shelves worth of planters. the sofa has enough space for 1/2 an ass. 2 chairs, including chrysses work chair are usable. Every other horizontal surface is 3 or more feet tall in ... stuff.

the floors are waist high with narrow walkways, and occasionally we have to step over things in the pathways.

emma bed is against the wall.
my/crysses bed is 1/2 covered in clothes. the floor of our room is covered in ... clothes, pillows, ...
Fen's bed is covered in boxes/books. there is a narrow strip for him to sleep on.

this is madness
this is blasphemy
this is SPARTAAAAAA!!!!!!



if people want to stop by and offer sanity points we can drain from you
or offer to help "Hold this while I go move THAT, There, So I can make room for THIS"
(we don't have room to get to our stuff, because our stuff is in the way of moving our stuff so we can make room for our stuff.)
Honestly. we have blocked off the driveway of 2 of our neighbors garages so we could empty/move shit around.
And we are going to continue to do this. We have donated to 3 different charities, taken 3 pick up truck loads to the dump. We have dumped things at a dumpster (I will not say which one, as it is technically a minor crime).
 Did you know that we managed to fill a 17x8 foot truck with plants in planters? And with 5 people moving them, it took 2 hours to move them 1, ONE mile. loading and then unloading/stacking/making room.
(starts singing)
"Everything is AWESOME!
EVERYTHING IS GREAT When you're living the dream!"

theunseelie: (death goggles)
The BeliefCloset Process

Belief Self-Diagnosis Exercise

Change your beliefs as easily
as you change your clothes.

Lion Goodman

Entire Contents © 2009 by Lion Goodman.

This is a proprietary work product licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution – Noncommercial -No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. You are free to share, copy, distribute and transmit the work, but you may not sell it or use it for any commercial purposes.  You may not alter, transform, or build upon
this work.  Entire contents and attribution must remain.  All other rights reserved.

Belief Self-Diagnosis Exercise

This exercise will help you expose your own subconscious (invisible) beliefs to your conscious mind.  At the end of the exercise, you’ll be asked to consider three beliefs you would like to change. We will take this further when I visit you in your class – this next week, and you can find additional information and resources at the end of this process.

Step One:  Uncover Your Beliefs

You will need a journal or a pad of paper.  Contemplate each question below, and write down every belief you can think of in that category. 

Begin by saying to yourself, “Something I believe about myself is…”  Let your thoughts flow and keep your pen moving. Don’t judge your beliefs, argue with them, or censor them.  Just allow whatever comes up to be written down.  Write down all of them, even if they sound absurd or strange to you.  When your subconscious talks, it’s a good time to listen.  Give yourself a few minutes to write freely on each question.

Answer as many questions as you can in one sitting.  You can always come back and explore the remaining questions later.

The Belief Questions

What do I believe about…

  • Myself

  • My body

  • My health

  • My work

  • My financial situation

  • My sexuality

  • My abilities

  • My limitations

  • My attitudes

  • My soul, spirit or spiritual self

  • My circumstances

  • God/Spirit/Source

  • Money

  • Handicaps, injuries, illnesses

  • My family

  • My relationships

  • My government

  • The world

  • Good and Evil

  • Truth

  • Life

  • The past

  • The future

  • My beliefs

Step Two:  Understand Your Beliefs

Go through each belief on your list and circle between five and ten beliefs that have the most negative charge for you – that is, the beliefs you feel really interfere with your life.  Next to each circled belief, write down your answers to the following questions:

  1. Has this belief been beneficial to me in my life or detrimental to me?

  1. Was this belief indoctrinated into me?  If so, by whom?  Did I ever consciously choose to believe it?   If so, when?  And why did I do so?

  1. What has been the advantage of having this belief?  How has it served me in my life?  What did I get or gain by having this belief?  What did I avoid by having this belief?

  1. Who would I be without this belief? 

  1. What would be different in my life if I held a different belief about this subject?

  1. Would I be willing to try out a different belief?

  1. What belief could I replace it with that would be more positive, beneficial, and empowering in my life?

Step Three:  Which Beliefs Would You Like To Change?

Next, pick one to three of these beliefs that you would like to change, and write them here: 

  1. ______________________________________________________.

  1. ______________________________________________________.

  1. ______________________________________________________.

Step Four:  Create New Beliefs

When you discreate (destroy, eliminate, disappear) an old belief, what is created is space, a sense of openness, of possibility.   You then have the opportunity to install a new, more empowering belief in that space.  If you don’t fill the space, the old belief can sometimes creep back in. 

Look at belief #1 above.  What would you like to believe instead?   A good place to start is its opposite, but don’t stop there.  You can enhance the new belief so that it feels very supportive and positive in your body as well as your mind.

For example: if the old belief is “There’s something wrong with me,” you could replace it with, “There’s something right about me.”   That belief is better, but it’s not really empowering.  If you push it all the way up the scale of good feelings, you might come to: “I am the light of my soul. I shine with my unique and perfect light.” Can you feel the difference?  We’re going for that “WOW” feeling.

Here’s another example.  If you hold the old belief, “I am not loved,” you could replace it with “I am loved,” which is a good belief to have.  But feel what it would feel like to believe, “I deserve and receive love from every person in my life who is right for me.” Since you get to choose the beliefs you have, you might as well find the most empowering beliefs that you can express, own, and enjoy.

Here’s another way to think about it:  Since every belief produces a specific feeling & experience, ask yourself what experience you would LIKE to have about this topic.  Imagine having that feeling right now.  Now ask yourself what belief would create that feeling.

You’ll have an opportunity to try on your new beliefs inside your BeliefCloset, and you can make adjustments as necessary when you’re there.

When you work with a BeliefCloset Practitioner, he or she will work with you to shape the beliefs that will best serve you.   And don’t worry – you can always improve your beliefs later.  You’ve been living with those old beliefs for decades.  Creating new beliefs is a skill that improves with practice.
Take time now and write down the beliefs you would like to have in place of the three old limiting beliefs above. 

My three new beliefs:

  1. ______________________________________________________.

  1. ______________________________________________________.

  1. ______________________________________________________.

For information about The BeliefCloset Process,
or BeliefCloset Trainings, contact:

Lion Goodman  
The BeliefCloset Process
San Rafael, California

To learn more about the BeliefCloset Process training, and hear live demos of the process’ healing power, visit

Listen to a recording of an Introductory BeliefCloset Teleseminar.

Download the free multimedia eBook, Transform Your Beliefs, by registering here:

Travel well on your journey through the landscape of your beliefs!

theunseelie: (death goggles)

This list of free internet knowledge was compiled in an /r/ thread 3 years ago. And now is updated with MORE!

Schools and Universities:

long list, not cluttering your page. )

theunseelie: (death goggles)
Today's coffee culture has an incredibly sophisticated vocabulary. Do you want a cappuccino, an espresso, a skinny latte, or maybe an iced caramel macchiato?

The ancient Greeks were just as sophisticated in the way they talked about love, recognizing six different varieties. They would have been shocked by our crudeness in using a single word both to whisper "l love you" over a candlelit meal and to casually sign an email "lots of love."

So what were the six loves known to the Greeks? And how can they inspire us to move beyond our current addiction to romantic love, which has 94 percent of young people hoping—but often failing—to find a unique soul mate who can satisfy all their emotional needs?

1. Eros, or sexual passion
The first kind of love was eros, named after the Greek god of fertility, and it represented the idea of sexual passion and desire. But the Greeks didn't always think of it as something positive, as we tend to do today. In fact, eros was viewed as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and possess you—an attitude shared by many later spiritual thinkers, such as the Christian writer C.S. Lewis.
Eros involved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks. Which is odd, because losing control is precisely what many people now seek in a relationship. Don't we all hope to fall "madly" in love?
Read more... )
theunseelie: default me (Default)
holy crud; I exist!
theunseelie: (death goggles)
Twenty six years ago humanity had one of its closest calls with death, but most people are blissfully ignorant about that. It is time to finally learn the truth. So read this grand story of human spirit, deadly weapons and computer errors.
In 1983 fall Soviet-American relations were dreadful. Six months ago the hostility culminated in Reagan's infamous Evil Empire speech. Americans were planning to deploy Pershing II nuclear missiles in West Germany, causing great concerns to Moscow, not unlike Washington's fears during the Cuban crisis. NATO was organizing Able Archer — a large scale military exercise concentrating on using tactical nuclear weapons in Europe. Moscow was also concerned about Washington Strategic Defence Initiative. Soviet leaders perceived the danger of the US aggression, either conventional or even nuclear, as very real and believed that SDI was one of the many indications. They were afraid that planned military exercise was actually a smokescreen for a real attack.
The Americans, who were reluctant to believe that their plans were threatening, did not understand these fears. They did not heed Soviet protests and were ready to proceed, bringing the world to the brink of nuclear conflict in their ignorance.
On September 1, 1983 Soviet Air Forces shot down a Korean passenger plane, killing all 269 passengers on board and further straining the relationships between USSR and the US. Soviet intelligence operatives in the West were warned about possible nuclear war.
At that time, the planned response for the nuclear attack by the US was a full-scale nuclear retaliation. Every missile in the USSR and on nuclear submarines was aimed at a designated target in the US or in Europe. Had the Americans attacked first, Soviet Rocket Forces were to respond with might and vengeance.
Russian missile notification system was based on a large number of ground radars located on the country borders. That meant Soviet Rocket Forces would receive a warning about 15 minutes before missiles would reach the Soviet capital. In order to provide earlier warnings and give Rocket Forces more time to respond, a new satellite system was installed a few years before. The system employed nine Oko satellites in highly elliptical orbits that monitored American missile fields for signs of missile launches. All information from warning and notification systems was transmitted to Dmitry Ustinov, the Defence Minister who had the responsibility to make the final decision and order the retaliation strike.
In a secret bunker somewhere near Moscow officers of the Soviet Rocket Forces constantly monitored the skies of the planet. Signals from different notification systems arrived there to be checked, processed and acted upon. On September 25, 1983 the officer on duty couldn't make it for some reason and was replaced by another officer, Lieutenant Colonel Stanislav Petrov. 44-year old Stanislav arrived in the bunker, took the command and the shift started normally. Everything was routine, until the quiet flow of the shift was suddenly interrupted.
About forty minutes after midnight, when it was late afternoon in the States, sirens in the bunker howled, warning lights blazed. Cosmos-1382, an Oko satellite, detected a launch of a Minuteman nuclear missile from Malmstrom AirForce Base in Montana, the main American ICBM field. Americans have launched an attack on the Soviet Union. Everyone in the room felt the gravity of the situation. On a large US map on the wall a light turned on showing the location of the missile launch. A "Start" button flashed before Stanislav. He had less than 10 minutes to decide the fate of the world. Military instructions that he remembered all too well said he needs to press it and send a confirmation to the Defence Minister of the USSR. But something didn't look right. "Who would start a nuclear war with only one missile?" thought Stanislav Petrov. That must have been a reading error, a false positive, a bug somewhere in the notification system. As a software engineer he knew that no system is immune to errors.
Another possibility might have crossed his mind — the American missile could have been launched by mistake, an error, but in the US. In the past computer errors in American systems twice almost launched nuclear missiles. In that case his responsibility still was to notify the Soviet leaders about the attack. But Petrov hesitated, knowing that Soviet response would be to launch a devastating retaliation attack on the United States. Thousands of missiles from launch-pads in Siberia, from nuclear submarines in the Pacific Ocean would slowly raise in flames and start the unstoppable journey to their targets in the United States and in Europe, only to bring death and destruction on the titanic scale twenty minutes later.
Weighting all information he had, Stanislav decided to ignore the alarm. "It's a system error. Let it be a system error." he probably thought. He dismissed the alarm as a false warning and waited. If it were a real launch, it would take about 10 minutes before the ground radars on the Soviet borders would confirm or deny the first warning and 20 minutes before American missiles would destroy Moscow and other Russian cities. He prepared to wait and see whether he made the right decision.
But then something different happened. The system showed a second launch, then a third one. Soon it showed that five intercontinental nuclear missiles have been launched from the US and were slowly making their way to Soviet Union. The decision made a few minutes ago could mean that Stanislav just condemned his country to be hit with nuclear attack without striking back. But he still had time to reverse his judgement and inform Ustinov about the attack, forcing a retaliation strike. He didn't know more than the system was showing. He couldn't ask anyone for assistance. He was the senior officer on the shift and at that moment he and no one else controlled the fate of the world. His intuition kept telling it was a false positive, an error somewhere in the system. It didn't look like a beginning of nuclear war at all, just five missiles, less than a thousandth of what was stored in American nuclear arsenal. Stanislav suppressed the desire to act and waited. He maintained that his original judgement was correct — it must have been a false positive.
There was nothing for him to do, but wait. Now all depended on whether he was right or wrong. Half an hour later there was still no confirmation from ground radars. If these missiles existed, they disappeared without a trace. Everyone in the bunker realised that there was no attack and that they managed to avoid the temptation to start one themselves.
If Petrov confirmed the report of the advance notification system, Soviet leaders were ready to believe it. Soviet Rocket Forces would have launched thousands of nuclear missiles in a deadly attack, to which the United States was sure to retaliate with a comparable force. A nuclear holocaust would have ensued. Tens of thousands of missiles, each with hundreds times more power than in the Hiroshima blast would have burst all over the planet, killing hundreds of millions immediately and levelling whole cities to the ground. Radiation and nuclear winter would have finished those who managed to survive the initial attack, ending the world, as we knew it.
That didn't happen.
But enormous stress weakened Stanislav. He transferred the command, drank a half litre bottle of vodka and dropped asleep. He slept for 28 hours straight trying to regain the strength he spent during the incident. After that he was taken to the hospital for stress treatment.
When the Cuban missile crisis unfolded in 1962, most participants had it relatively easy. The combined powers of foreign intelligence, air force, navy and army was at the disposal of both leaders — Kennedy and Khrushchev. They also had time to consider possible outcomes, time to consult with their loyal advisors and much less pressure on them. They had only threats to respond to, no missiles were flying to their home cities yet. Stanislav Petrov had it much worse. From all the time in the world he had only a few minutes to decide whether the attack was real. The fate of the world was in his hands alone, nobody was near him to give the words of advice, he could not pass even a small part of the responsibility, all the authority lied with him. And he was under a terrible pressure to make the right decision and make it right on the first try.
Immediately after the incident the military authorities started the investigation. They identified the new satellite system as the likely culprit and soon confirmed this. The system consisted of nine satellites in highly elongated elliptical orbits. They monitored the surface for bright hot flashes — the main signs of a missile launch. Because of elongated orbits, sometimes only one satellite could observe the suspected launch site. Other satellites could not confirm this. It turned out that due to a unique combination of circumstances the system terribly failed and produced not one, but five false positives, signalling an impending US attack. The light from the brightest natural light source on the planet, the Sun, was reflected from high clouds above Malmstrom and fooled the satellite infrared sensors, appearing to them similar to bright plumes of incoming missiles.
To assure that such incident will not happen again, Soviet Rocket Forces deployed an improved satellite notification system that included several satellites on geostationary orbits and guaranteed that any location is always monitored by at least two satellites. This particular risk was removed. But the truth is that most of the Cold War nuclear weapons are still operational, ready for use and capable of incinerating hundreds of millions of people. The biggest risk the humanity voluntarily takes is still enormous nuclear arsenals controlled by the US and Russia, not terrorism or petty dictators.
The world was saved, thanks to the heroic actions of Stanislav Petrov. That day, in the bunker, everyone congratulated him on his cool judgment. But it was not over for him. Initially his superiors wanted to reward him. He could probably expect a promotion and an order. But soon, when satellite problems were discovered, his superiors were blamed for that and punished. Rewarding their subordinate was not considered a good idea. Petrov was questioned about his actions and was blamed for ignoring the instructions and acting on his own. He wasn't punished, but he was transferred to a less sensitive position and after two years discharged from the Army. He got no praise and no blame, like the whole episode was too insignificant for that. All was forgotten as if the world didn't stand on the brink of destruction for half an hour on September 25, 1983. There is no monument set up in his honour, no celebrations are held in Kremlin on September 25 each year. One of the biggest heroes of the world still lives consigned to oblivion. His career was ruined by the incident, his health wrecked by the immense stress and subsequent investigation. Today Petrov lives on a meagre military pension of 50 dollars per month in a small flat in a town 40 kilometres from Moscow.
The story of Petrov's heroic deed was only made public after the 15th anniversary of the event. Russian business magazine Kommersant-Vlast published a story about him. Western media picked it up and for a moment it seemed as if Stanislav Petrov will finally receive the honours he deserves. But after a short while the interest subsided and five more years passed without the proper recognition of his actions.

I have a small favour to ask of you. If you want to downvote, go ahead. But if you want to upvote, please don't. Instead get to the nearest post office and send him a telegram. Or order a bouquet of flowers online for him. Or send him a photo of your children and thank him that they are still alive. Look outside at the blue sky and thank him that it's not covered with impenetrable layer of radioactive dust and clouds. Walk outside and thank him that you can do it without a radiation protection suit.

His address is (from Kommersant-Vlast, not exact, but that's the best I have):
Lt. C. Stanislav Petrov, 2nd floor, 60 let CCCP street, Fryazino, Moscow Region, Russia
In Cyrillic: Станислав Петров, кв. на 2 этаже, ул. 60 лет СССР, Фрязино, Московская область, Россия.

Kommersant-Vlast, Baltimore Sun, BBC, Daily Mail, other newspapers and magazines.


theunseelie: (death goggles)
Daniel M'Mburugu

Daniel M'Mburugu is probably the hardest motherfucker to ever step foot in the rural farmlands of Kenya. On June 22nd, this 73 year-old grandfather was out in his farmland minding his own business when all of a sudden this gigantor leopard jumped out from some tall grass and mauled the fuck out of him. The beast let out an earth-shaking howl and pinned M'Mburugu to the ground, scratching the shit out of his chest with its back claws and trying to bite his face off with its gleaming fangs. M'Mburugu tried to free up his panga (Swahili for "big ass machete") so that he could take a good swipe at the creature that was slowly killing him, but then all of a sudden JESUS CHRIST sent a messenger pigeon down to him with a note that read:

Dear Daniel,

Fuck the machete. Just rip this motherfucker's tongue out.


So Daniel M'Mburugu dropped his machete and shoved his hand into the leopards mouth. The leopard chomped down on his hand, be he totally didn't even give a fuck. He just pulled the fucking leopard's tongue out of its head, causing it to die and get totally pwned by a 73 year-old dude. After he was done wrecking the leopard's shit, he told his neighbor to go get him some salt just so that he could rub it into his wounds, pound his chest like Tarzan and prove to everyone that he was the baddest motherfucker in town. Awesome.

"So when 73-year-old Daniel M’Burungu of Kenya went to out to check on the potatoes and beans in his garden and got jumped by a leopard, the Bad Mother Fucker wallet in his back pocket (otherwise known as “God” by Mr. M’Burungu), called him to action:

“A voice, which must have come from God, whispered to me to drop the panga (machete) and thrust my hand in its wide-open mouth. I obeyed,” M’Mburugu said.
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